Perception: The Importance of the Illusion
How is it that we have become so deluded into thinking truth is more valuable than illusion? We say that we want the truth as if we would take it gladly over the illusion but it is not as cut and dry as some would have you believe. Just because cod liver oil may be more beneficial to your health than a shot of tequila does not mean a person will choose what is healthy.
Think about courting and relationships. Think about all the energy we put into our perception. We hold certain things back to maintain our perception, our illusion we are putting forth to be accepted. You get a girl’s phone number and you wait a few days before calling to avoid being perceived as desperate. Already your perception has become more valuable than the truth, because the truth may be that you ARE desperate; desperate for that person’s affections and attention. We may not admit it but many of us would love for someone to desire us, and to desperately covet a deep connection to us. Seeing such a desire in another person gives us a feeling of being special, of having some sort of importance to other people. Our egos thrive on such ideas. But somewhere along the lines we have denied those desires. We have decided that we are not to be admired, desired or loved until we deem it appropriate.
And so, like all other human expression, love becomes systemic. We try to build intrigue, sex appeal, intimate connection and even love with this mundane, familiar system and the second one strays from these preconceived steps we have labels for these perceptions. If one moves too quickly we have creeps or stalkers. If one moves too slowly we have those who are “afraid of commitment.” Since moving quickly or slowly is relative to different viewers, the excess or lack of speed exists only in perception.
Disclaimer: This is not to say that stalkers, creeps or those who are afraid of commitment do not exist. I am merely saying that it is a perception more so than a reality.
Lets take the concept of cheating. Infidelity is the number one cause of divorce in the United States. Why is this problem so pervasive? In order to understand cheating you have to first understand what goes into it. Cheating above all things displays a lack of communication between partners. A big road block of healthy communication is one person’s inability to handle truth and where one cannot handle truth, an illusion will be put forth to prevent a disconnection. Some people view the connection between two people as more valuable than telling the truth all the time. The truth may be that, one isn’t showing the other attention, the sex is boring, or that one partner for the rest of one’s life is too much to ask at this point. These truths cannot always be communicated because when presented to someone who is unprepared for it, it could lead to disconnection.
In a relationship what is important? Is it the feelings and ideas shared between one another, the feelings of love and intimacy or is it the fact that the other person only had sex with you? Believe it or not, just because one cheats does not mean they do not love you. The only thing it means that the truth cannot be properly communicated, whether it comes from one’s lack of courage to admit the truth or the other’s lack of ability to handle and value the truth. Before we walk away from someone who hasn’t been “faithful” can we evaluate what is important in the relationship? Can we value the feelings we felt for a person? Does a lie make you unfeel those feelings? What is more important, perception or truth? Would you be more happy if the person always wanted to cheat but didn’t? Would you stay with a person who legitimately wanted to have sex with other people? Is it possible to suspend your perceptions and allow someone to love you passionately and desperately?
This piece is not intended for people to read and make some sort of life altering change in their lives. I just want to increase awareness that the truth is not always more valuable than the illusion. Don’t be one of those people who claims to always want the truth but runs from it whenever it is near. You can measure the strength of an individual by how much of the truth they can handle but nobody is all powerful.

