There is and has been a void in my life. We learn that the void is one of the 5 elements as taught by many eastern philosophies. That void has fueled my ambitions and has removed any and all possibilities of failure (barring an untimely death). I say this because it is the void that creates the feeling of loneliness. It is the void that makes me feel so misunderstood. It is the void that makes my survival dependent on filling it.
The nature of Taoism is the idea that there is no good or bad, only light and dark. They exist and are given definition because of each other and therefor eternally create each other.
The pain and loneliness inside of me is deep and cutting but I understand now, more than ever that the happiness and joy it is creating must be ineffable. It is the void that pushes me forward; the void that does not allow me to settle for less; the void that makes my survival depend upon its necessary, however temporary, vanquishing.
I understand now that love does not come to the lucky, it comes to the loving. Those who can love themselves and others the way they deserve to be. To follow one’s own moral code to the letter is the only way to possibly be deserving of the one. And we hardly get what we do not deserve.
A combination of my own iron will and the emptiness inside of me have created an event in my future. An event that will be crossed (again, barring untimely death) in this and every parallel universe I occupy. I will make it, or die trying.